I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
