apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
