why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
