why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
