Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
