I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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