so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
