The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
