look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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