Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
