You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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