You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
