You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
