Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
