That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i drank out of a bidet.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
