I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
