I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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