thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
