I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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