shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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