so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
