I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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