I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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