Sry I called you an 8
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
