That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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