I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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