dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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