I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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