somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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