no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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