i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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