well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
