i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
