you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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