My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
