So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
