Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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