god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
