I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I accidentally burped into my bong.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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