Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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