theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
P.S. I can't hear my feet
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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