I just made out with a guy for $7.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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