I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
