no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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