i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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