When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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