Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
