Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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