I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
