dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
