I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
