my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
