You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
