You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
