I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
