So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
