my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I need a beard to bite.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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