She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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