those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
