Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
