If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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