i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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