it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
nutella sex= disaster
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
