Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
