my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
