i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
