mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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