I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
