what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
