wanna go halves on a baby?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
