Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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