Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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