I wish I only lived at night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
