i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
