Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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