There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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